So, these last few weeks have been pretty hard. I've realized that I spent this time feeling like I had lost my worth, and like there was no moving past this. But, lately God has really been teaching me a lot and showing me a lot.
God's plan is perfect. I thought that I was in the most perfect relationship. I thought that we were unbreakable, invincible, and forever. I didn't realize til afterwards that I had put that relationship before everything, including my relationship with God. As soon as our relationship lost sight of what God wanted for us and became more self centered, problems arose. People keep on saying maybe it's just not right now, or the right timing, and maybe that is what it is. All I know is the more that I have been reading my Bible, praying, and doing my Bible study, the more I feel like God is working. Although it isn't exactly how i was hoping, God does have a great plan. For right now, God is reminding me, and showing me, all the people that he has filled my life with throughout the years. All of the friends I have, the family that I love, and our church family. It's like every time I start to feel down, He throws in one more thing to add to my ever growing list of reasons to smile. Even when it feels like it, God does not forget about us. He is always there, trying to draw us deeper into a relationship with Him.
This verse has been very insightful during this time. It's weird that even if you had heard a song a million times, you can hear it at the perfect time and it has a totally different meaning. "Blessed be Your Name, on the road marked with suffering, though there's pain in the offering. Blessed be Your Name." God never promised a life that was pain or worry free. He promised us a life with troubles, but He also promised us that we wouldn't have to fear, because He has overcome the world (John 16:33). Realizing this and honestly believing this has made things, well maybe not easy, but manageable.
Life is crazy. It's hard, it doesn't make sense, and it hurts. But, at the same time, it's beautiful, and magical, and worth the fight. I can honestly say that I have never felt happier, more pushed, or learned more, then when I was in that relationship. Since it has ended I have never felt more confused, more defeated, or closer to the Lord. Which makes me realize that this is definitely for God's plan. So, maybe it is just not right now, maybe we need to grow. and maybe that was the end. Either way, all I want is to continue moving forward. Not to stop, and not to give up. God's plan is unimaginably amazing and I can't wait to see where it leads me.
God Bless
Abby XOXO
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